A blessing...

...in 2 short weeks, I will be traveling down to Haiti to *finally* meet our son. By myself... well, not by myself, but without Hubbs coming. I'm nervous, but totally excited. I cannot even really put it into words. I read my friend's blogs and just cry because they have expressed exactly how I feel... the raw emotion that's  always there... hiding... I watch Bean and Sprout play, laugh, cry... live their lives. Then I feel a sadness like none other because I am not a part of Big Eye's experiences. I don't get to see him live his day-to-day life. Walk him to school. Watch him grow. Kiss his booboos. Hug him before bed. Read him our nightly Bible story and follow that up with our family prayer time... I don't know his favorite foods, colors, animal... I've only heard him laugh on a quick snippet of video that was taken of him... It's really hard for me to live our "regular" life as a family, knowing that it's not all together... that a member is missing from it. Sometimes, I cry at the worst moments. People will ask me how the process is going, and there I go again, leaking from my face! I cannot help it. Hubbs says that God gave me a really, really big heart. Usually, he says this with a soft laugh. He knows that it makes me who I am...

But, I keep remembering where he is and I know that he could be in such a worse place. God is watching over him, keeping him safe. I also remind myself that my children aren't mine. They're God's. He just gave me the privilege of raising them... molding them... loving them... teaching them His ways... explaining to them His grace...

I know that God brought him to us in such a way... an amazing way. We are blessed to be in this walk God has for us. So blessed. God's plans are going to blow my mind... they are continuously doing so now, so I expect no less.

A man said to me the other day, after hearing that we are adopting, "Wow. I must say, it's people like you that make this world a better place. So, I thank you for adopting and changing the world. What a blessing."  To you Sir, I say, "Thank you." It is only through God's grace, perfect planning and adoption of me that I can do anything.

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11